Who knew motherhood would lead to a massive wardrobe overhaul? That wasn’t in any of the parenting books.
Yes, I suspected that I may not fit back into all my clothes, that one was probably a given, but what I’ve really been surprised by is how many of my old shoes, clothes and even accessories just don’t fit into my new lifestyle.
Here’s a list of the top 10 wardrobe items that just don’t cut it for me anymore as a mum.
- Impractical shoes
It only took one expedition to the supermarket to alert me to the fact that it is impossible to keep up with a two-year-old in, oh, pretty much anything without laces or an ankle strap.
Remember those cheap and cheerful shoes with cardboard soles we used to get away with? Nope, not anymore. And don’t get me started on sloppy ballet flats – one of those babies nearly got me killed when I fell over crossing a busy street. Oh, and thongs. Just not gonna happen. I am now an official sneaker head and summer sandal convert.
Olukai’s Awe’Awe sandals have saved my arse more times than I dare to admit, and it doesn’t hurt that they actually look pretty bloody stylish while doing it.
- White pants
Actually, make that white anything.
This one pains me more than I care to admit, I look damn good in white, and my favourite white palazzo pants make me feel like Marlene Dietrich on a good day. But at the rate I’m going through Napisan I might as well buy shares in Vanish and be done with it. Trust me – black or pattered are *much* safer options.
- Mini skirts
I do love me a cute flirty mini dress, but god help me, so does my son. In fact, he sees any skirt as an invitation to hide – under it, up it, you get the picture – as does anyone nearby at the time.
Also, I seem to spend 30% of my day leaning over. Why did no-one warn me about that “perk” of motherhood? At least my hamstrings are well stretched.
A good rule of thumb with this one to make sure that you (and any innocent bystanders) are safe from an unwanted panty flash, is to put your arms down at your sides – if the hemline falls below your fingertips, it’s safe to wear. Maybe those Catholic School dress codes were onto something after all…
- Mini bags
These days when I pack my bag for the day it looks like I’m moving house. There’s no way I’m fitting a spare outfit, wet wipes, assorted zip-lock bags of emergency snacks, Band-aids, a Thomas the Tank Engine pop-up book and all the other assorted paraphernalia that comes with being a Mum into what is basically a clutch on a strap.
I need to be ready for any contingency. Kitchen sink anyone?
- Low-rise pants
*Especially* low-rise jeans. Excuse me while a get a bit technical, but many women experience a widening of the symphysis and sacroiliac joints post-birth. This actually causes an irreversible increase in hip width. Yep – both hands up, that was me. So anything low-rise a. isn’t comfortable, b. creates a bit of a muffin top, and c. leaves my plumber’s crack, or worse – my daggy undies on display for the world to see.
I am in the process of ditching my “mum” undies, I promise – but they’re just so comfy.
- Any clothes that are uncomfortable or don’t fit well
Did I mention that one of the perks that comes with being a mum is that I spent at least 30% of my day leaning over? Well I spend another 30% of my time on the floor or being floored. If it pinches, restricts or rubs, it’s out. Ain’t nobody got time for that.
- Clothes with huge embellishments
My toddler *loves* to go bungee jumping off decorative tassel ties and fiddle incessantly with sequins. And what about the way beads bounce across the floor when your favourite necklace receives a good yank?? Toddler catnip.
But I am an unashamed peacock and I love to wear decorative shiny pieces – my advice, start hoarding statement earrings.
- Clothes that are dry-clean only
Time factor, chemical overload and cost. No, no and no.
- Impractical bras
Listen, I’ve had two kids. These days I need a sheep dog bra – one that rounds ‘em up and points them in the right direction. And tbh, I don’t need any help achieving cleavage thank you very much.
- Outrageously priced sunglasses
I used to feel like bloody Rihanna at the local supermarket in my statement eyewear, but these days I just feel compassion for my friends who have to pay big dollars for expensive prescription sunnies. I can’t seem to keep even my ten-dollaries unscratched, un-sat on or unscathed.
At The Good Shoe Shop we love to share (we’ve even been accused on occasion of “over-sharing”, whatever the hell that means). Do you have wardrobe items you had to leave behind when you became a mum?
Tell us what and why in the comments below! And if your after some style inspiration head on over to our Pinterest page.